


Never Should Have Been

by Trilled



Series: Terminations [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Abortion, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Occupation of Bajor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilled/pseuds/Trilled
Summary: Kira Nerys of the Shakaar Resistance has a secret to deal with as a result of a Cardassian interrogation.
Series: Terminations [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923052
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Never Should Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prelude to Organic Material Recovery, the story written around the last line from that story.  
> I couldn't work out exactly which archive warnings should be on this story, but please read the tags before reading further. This is a lot more graphic than the last, and even affected me as the writer. But even the dark stories need to be shared.  
> Phar'ya is a Bajoran word I made up in other stories. It is a term for half Bajoran, half Cardassian children.

Kira Nerys of the Shakaar Resistance sat near the small camp fire, cradling a warm bowl of soup in her hands, and carefully holding the spoon to the swollen lips of Lerra, who had come back from a visit with the Cardassians beaten and bruised. Helping him with daily tasks was the least she could do while he healed.

“The swelling has definitely gone down.” She told him, scraping another spoonful of thin soup from the bowl.

“Thanks kid. Can’t wait to get back out there and make them pay.” The side of his mouth tried to smile.

As she held out the spoon her nose tickled, and she tried to muffle several sneezes, accidentally spilling soup all over Lerra’s lap.

“Oh no. I’m so sorry.” She tried to brush the soup off him, but realised that other than a few small pieces of meat and vegetables, there was very little to it other than the liquid, and it soaked in quickly to his thin trousers.

“Don’t worry.” He could see tears forming in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

She quickly nodded, blinking several times.

“Go and get your own dinner. You must be hungry, I can manage.”

Carefully she handed him the bowl, getting up to see what else was being served. 

Lupaza caught up with her, holding her arm to stop her, “Nerys, can we talk?” She let Lupaza lead her away from the rest of the cell so they could talk in private. “I heard the sneezes. Allergies, or...?”

Kira looked down at her feet, feeling ashamed. Lupaza put a gentle hand on her lower abdomen, feeling through the layers of ill-fitting clothing what she had been hiding. “Shit. One of ours, or theirs?”

“Theirs.” She whispered. “When they took me in for questioning 2 months ago.”

“You have to let me know earlier if these things happen. Come. Let’s deal with this situation.” She pulled her into the cave, lined with all their bedrolls and supplies. Lupaza found her healer’s bag, looking through her collection of herbs and natural remedies collected throughout the area. She found the box she wanted, opening up to use the dried leaves. “Let’s stop this now.” She put two large pinches of herb into Kira’s hand. “It will all be over in twenty six hours. Just chew them and swallow, then get yourself a drink. They can be fairly bitter.”

Kira looked at the leaves in her hand, stunned by the choice she suddenly had.

“You do want to get rid of it?” Lupaza asked, seeing her hesitation. “We can send you to a safe house if not.”

Kira threw the herbs into her mouth, forcing herself to chew the bitter herbs and swallow them. She shuddered as they went down.

“Right, get a drink, then go put on a dress or skirt and something warm, we’re going for a walk.”

Lupaza headed further into the caves to find Shakaar, while Kira drained her canteen of water. Her small bag of clothes sat at the head of her bedroll, doubling as a pillow when she slept. She pulled a loose fitting skirt over the top of her trousers, tying it as best she could, and the oversized knitted jumper for warmth. She looked at her phaser rifle, and pulled the strap around her shoulders ready to go. If they were going out for a walk in the forest, she needed to be prepared.

Slowly she went to find Lupaza, quietly stepping through the caves towards their voices.

“I don’t care if we’ve got a mission in two days time. I’ve given her the herbs to deal with this situation, but she’s going to need a day. You know what she’s like, she’ll be back ready for the mission, no matter how she feels.”

“You could have waiting until next week.” Shakaar replied to Lupaza.

“Another week and she might need a doctor to help. Look, she’s started sneezing, she’s a liability out there if she has an attack while we’re hiding. We’re not headed that far away, just enough for some privacy and to keep the cell safe if she’s heard by a Cardassian patrol.”

“Alright. Take someone with you as guard. Don’t let the spoonheads take out my best soldiers.”

She patted him on the shoulder. “We’ll be safe Edon. Don’t worry.”

Suddenly Shakaar looked up to Kira where she had been quietly standing in the shadow of the entrance way. “And you,” he pointed to Kira, “next time the spoonheads touch you, let one of the herbalists know. They could have dealt with this much earlier.”

Kira dumbly nodded, scared for what was happening.

Lupaza turned and walked away, putting a caring arm around Kira’s shoulders. “Just ignore him. Its just because he's worried about you. Let’s go.” She gathered a few supplies from the boxes on the side of the tunnel, jamming cloths and medical supplies into a bag, before picking up her own weapon. On the way out of the cave Lupaza spotted another woman, Dasa, quietly explaining the situation. She packed away her meal quickly, grabbing weapons, a scanner and signal jamming device before joining them.

“We passed some caves over the last ridge, they should be just as safe to hide in while we wait for nature to take its course.” Lupaza explained to both of them.

Kira nodded, tightening her grip on her weapon.

“Now, you need to tell me when the cramps start. Even if you feel you can manage the pain.”

“Cramps? What’s going to happen to me?” Kira asked, wide eyed.

“Its going be to just like your fertility cycle, when you menstruate, just a bit more intense.”

Kira nodded, putting her hand on her stomach, starting to round.

“What’s the matter? Starting to regret this? Because we can still stop this, it takes about half an hour before the herbs start acting.”

“No. I want it gone. Fucking cold-blooded Cardassian rapist doesn’t get to stop me.” Kira seethed.

“That’s my girl. Harness that rage. You’re going to need it.”

The three of them quietly walked on, Dasa constantly checking her scanner to make sure they were headed in the right direction.

Mountains began climbing again and Dasa motioned they turn, following along the lower rocks instead of climbing up. 

“I’m glad we’re not climbing. I’m starting to get cramps.”

Lupaza nodded. “Sounds like it’s starting to work. Won’t be too much longer and you can sit down and rest.”

Eventually they found a suitable cave, barely tall enough to stand up in, but it went deep into the mountain, although the air further in was stale and damp.  
Lupaza started unpacking her bag, setting up a small lantern and telling Kira and Dasa to gather dry leaf litter and bark to soften the floor where they’d be sitting.

“Reduced to sitting in leaves like an animal.” Kira muttered, dumping another load on the ground.

“You’ll be grateful for those leaves. Better than just dirt, and it will help contain the blood.”

“Blood?”

“Didn’t your mother or aunts explain... Oh.” she looked at Kira, remembering her story. “You do know how this happened, don’t you?”

Kira nodded. “I’m nineteen. I’ve been with boys before. I do know about sex.”

“Have you seen a baby born?”

Kira shook her head, “I heard women in the camps. They always kept the kids away.”

“Okay, well I think we might need to have a little talk once we’re settled. Why don’t you put that big rock just up in the clearing and heat it up with your phaser rifle. It will give us a bit of warmth in here.”

Kira nodded, doing as she was asked. She found another flat rock, picking it up in her hand and turning it over. She waited by Lupaza, pulling her knife out of her boot and started slowly chipping away her family name into it.

Lupaza looked at what she was doing questioningly. 

“No one should be forgotten, even if it’s some Cardassian phar'ya. I want to remember where it’s buried.” She muttered, concentrating on forming the letters. “There is going to be something to bury, right?”

Lupaza squatted down next to her, brushing her hair back that had escaped her long braid. “You’re right, no one should be forgotten, even if they weren’t meant to be. I’m sure one day you’ll have children of your own, Bajoran children.”

Kira scoffed at her, “If we live long enough to get out this hell hole.” She winced, biting her lower lip.

“They’re getting stronger, aren’t they.”

Kira nodded, trying to concentrate on what she was doing.

Dasa returned with more leaves, helping Lupaza spread them on the ground. “It looks very quiet out there. Nothing on the scanners, but I’ll stay guard at the mouth of the cave.” She put a reassuring hand on Kira’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine Nerys. Bajoran women are strong, we can survive this.” Dasa returned to the mouth of the cave, sitting down with her phaser rifle on her lap and her knife, whittling at a small branch she’d picked up.

“Let’s settle in.” Lupaza gave her a warm smile. “Just remove your trousers and unders, you don’t want to soil them. There’s an old rag to sit on.”

“Have you helped other women with this before?” Kira asked nervously.

“Too many times. This isn’t like birth, when hormones and relaxation helps with the pain. But I’ll pray with you Nerys, and hopefully it will be quick.” She held her hand in reassurance, quietly talking as Kira slowly hacked away at the rock.

By early dawn Kira had put down her knife, slowly rocking as Lupaza prayed with her. 

Dasa had checked in to offer encouragement, giving her the now smoothed stick to bite on for pain.

“Gngh.” Kira moaned through gritted teeth, trying to be as quiet as possible. “I just want out of this damned cave. I’ve had enough of this place.”

Discretely Lupaza checked under her skirt, “Not much longer now.”

“That what you said hours ago.” Kira rolled her legs up into a squat, ready to stand to leave, but a new pain gripped her, causing her to gasp and her body telling her to push. “Oh Prophets Lu, help me.”

“It’s happening. Hold my hand and use your rage. Push it out.” She moved closer, letting Kira scream into her shoulder.

As Kira calmed between the surges, gasping for breath, Lupaza checked again. “Once more and it’s all over.” Kira nodded, setting her teeth and squeezing Lupaza’s hand tight. As she groan she felt a pop, and sudden relief. Lupaza caught the tiny pink mass in her hand, moving quickly to tie and break the cord then take it away.

“Lupaza, I want to see it.” Kira looked up at her, sliding back down on the ground.

“Trust me, you don’t. Let me just dispose if it.” 

“I need to.” Kira looked at her with determination. “I want to see what that pig did to me.”

Reluctantly Lupaza sat back down, wrapping the bloody pink foetus in a rag, and handing it to Kira. 

Kira stared at the foetus in her hands, arms and legs weakly moving. “It’s still alive?” She said, surprised.

“It won’t be for much longer. It’s too young and can’t live on its own. Let me stop its suffering." Lupaza offered.

Kira looked at it, head jerking around, and she saw the line of Cardassian ridges along it’s neck. She traced her finger along the rudimentary scales, barely formed, but clearly there. “That fucking pig created a monster in me.” She raged.

“Nerys, hold it to your chest and close your eyes. You don’t need to see this.” Lupaza hold her.

Kira did, squeezing her eyes tight. Lupaza held her hand over Kira’s placed on the foetus’ head. “Walk with the Prophets.” Lupaza whispered. There was a sudden jolt against her, and the weak movements stopped.

“It’s done. You are so brave, my sinoraptor.” Lupaza gave her a caring kiss on the forehead. “Just rest, and I’ll clean you up.” 

“Do you really think I’ll have children of my own? That we’ll be free one day.” Kira asked, staring at the foetus, tiny Bajoran ridges, and Cardassian scales barely formed under the translucent skin.

“I have to believe it, otherwise I would just give up, walk in front of a phaser and be done with it. I have to believe that all we’ve done hasn’t been in vain.” She looked up at Kira. “And I plan to live long enough to see you become that beautiful mother, in your own time.”

Kira smiled. “He would have been beautiful though.”

“A boy?” Lupaza looked into the rags. “Oh, it is too. Then he’s very lucky you made the choice. Cardassians like to take the phar’ya boys, apparently they have greater strength than our men, they get sent to the radioactive mines.”

“That’s a short and painful death sentence.” Kira looked shocked, holding him to her chest.

“I know. He was spared.”

“What a cursed life.” She lay her head back against the rocky wall, feeling discomfort as Lupaza helped with the after birth.

“It was a life that never should have been. Those pigs think they can do what they want to our women, be damned the consequences for us.”

“I fought him Lu. I kicked, and screamed, and when he was done I spat at him.”

“Foolish girl. He could have quite easily have shot you for such insubordination and disrespect. Never give them any reason to their faces to harm you. And if this ever happens at again, tell me before you are so far along.”

“Next time I’ll stab him in the heart before he touches me.”

Lupaza smiled at her. “You would too.” She got her canteen of water, rinsing her hands clean. “All done now. When you feel ready to move we can bury it and then head back to the camp. Just take your time.”

“I want to go now. I hate sitting around waiting.” Kira felt jittery being away from the safety of the rest of their resistance cell.

“Go gentle on yourself. This can take quite a toll on your body.”

“Lupaza, have you ever...?” 

“No, I’ve been very fortunate. But I’ve helped way too many women.” Lupaza handed her a menstrual pad and extra rags, helping her dress. 

“All that blood is from me?” Kira stood surprised at the mess on the floor where she had sat.

“It is, and you survived. There will be more over the next few days, so don’t push yourself.” She handed Kira her weapon, putting a steadying hand on her shoulder as she had a moment of dizziness. “When your head settles, go and see if Dasa has dug a hole.” Kira nodded, picking up the rock with her family name etched into it and slowly walking out the cave. 

Outside in the weak morning light she found Dasa with a small folding spade, digging a deep hole at the base of a tree. 

She looked up from her work, “I’m surprised to see you up so soon. Is that it there?” She gestured to Kira’s hands.

Kira nodded, looking again at what was in her hands, this time in the day light rather than artificial lamp. There was a grey tinge to the skin, Kira unsure if it was from the Cardassian features, or as death started to set in to it’s tissues.

Dasa peered into her hands. “Mine wasn’t so far along, but then Lupaza didn’t think I should hold it. I only saw it for a moment.”

“I had to know what he’d done to me.” Kira muttered. 

“Cursed spoonheads.”

Lupaza came out, carrying her bag and the rags they’d used. She dropped the bloody rag containing the placenta into the hole, both looking to Kira. 

“It’s your turn Nerys.” Lupaza told her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I can do it if you need.”

She knelt down on the ground, looking at the foetus in her hands. She kissed it’s forehead, wrapping the cloth around it fully. “Be with the Prophets little one. May you only know their love.” She gently placed the it in the bottom of the hole, standing up and hugging Lupaza tightly as Dasa filled it in.

Quietly Lupaza started the prayer for the dead, guiding the other two in the words. Once they finished Kira placed the rock on top in memory. 

“Are you ready to go?” Lupaza asked quietly.

Kira gave a curt nod, holding on to her weapon.

Slowly the three of them started walking back to the camp, Kira a little slower than before.

“I feel so empty.” She rested her hand on her deflated stomach.

“You will for a bit.” Dasa spoke up about her experience. “The physical emptiness fades away, but no matter what you tell yourself, there is a small piece of your pagh missing. That never leaves you.” She put a reassuring hand on Kira. “You just learn to live with it.”


End file.
